Season 4
Two of the Five Kings are dead, the North lies in ruins, wildlings are marching on the wall, and Joffrey is still an enormous turd.
Season 4—Episode 1: Two Swords
Oberyn. Damn. Martell. He came to have sex and kill Lannisters…and it seems he’s done having sex. You see, the Lannisters killed his sister and her children, and he hasn’t forgotten.
Not quite the return to glory that Jamie had hoped for. Disowned by his father, rebuked by his girlfr…sister, and even his son/nephew is making mockery of him. The only one who treats his with any respect is Brienne, because she knows his true value as a person. I’d love to say that we’re seeing the start of Jamie’s redemption arc, but sadly it takes a bit of a detour soon.
Who Won the Week
Oberyn Martell. He’s only been here a few minutes and he’s already fought a Lannister guardsman, and threatened the entire family. He’s a force this season and I can’t wait to rewatch it all.
Who’s in Power
King Joffrey of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“I understand that if any more words come pouring out your c*** mouth, I’m gonna have to eat every f***ing chicken in this room.” — The Hound
Character Deaths
Polliver—A name gets checked off the list
Future Omens
It’s sad that Tywin had the Stark ancestral sword melted down into two smaller swords, just so he could claim that he has a Valyrian steel sword in the family—especially considering that he “doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep.” But it should be noted that Valyrian steel kills White Walkers, and Tywin unknowingly doubled the killing power with his greed.
Season 4—Episode 2: The Lion and the Rose
Lord Bolton has returned from the war to find that his bastard no longer holds Theon Greyjoy, but rather…Reek, a defeated shell of the man he used to be. Roose bids Ramsay take Moat Cailin.
In King’s Landing, the wedding ceremonies have begun. Tyrion’s gift of a history book is at once appreciated…and then immediately hacked in half by the sword Tywin gives Joffrey. There can be little doubt of how the King feels about his uncle now. And with Tywin and Cersei discovering Shae, the fates are lining up against Tyrion.
In the Light of the Seven, we have another marriage! Quite the extravagant affair, as well. Food, dancing, wine, and an offensive display of recent events. And now a pigeon pie! Please, Joffrey, have something to drink. The pie is very dry…
“War is war, but killing a man at a wedding? Horrid. What sort of monster would do such a thing?”
Who Won the Week
Ramsay Bolton. Gross. I mean, he won the week by standing up to his father and proving that Roose had made the right decision by leaving him in charge. He also proved he has full control over Theon/Reek, and leveraged that into command of a small force that he’ll use to win even more glory.
Who’s in Power
King Joffrey of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“A toast to the proud Lannister children … the dwarf, the cripple and the mother of madness.” — Tyrion
Character Deaths
King Joffrey—Choked on his poisoned wine
Future Omens
Ramsay’s dogs eating away at the escaped captive, evokes certain…memories.
“Look for me, beneath the tree” is a HELL of a future omen for Bran.
Season 4—Episode 3: Breaker of Chains
Things are moving quickly in the immediate wake of Joffrey’s murder. Tyrion is taken into captivity, Sansa is spirited away to Littlefinger’s boat, and Tywin is quick to teach young Tommen about the history of the Seven Kingdoms in an effort to gauge his ability…and get his hooks in.
Remember a few weeks ago when we thought Tyrion was in a bad place after the Battle of the Blackwater? Yeah. Prison is worse. Doesn’t seem like a whole lot of people are interested in proving his innocence.
In the East, Dany arrives in Mereen. Buckle up, she’s gonna be here for, like, a hundred and six years.
I miss Strong Belwas.
Who Won the Week
Tywin. Sure his grandson is dead, but he was a turd and Tywin knows it. Now he has a chance to start fresh with Tommen, and groom him to be a proper king. And he has a chance to hang the murder of Joffrey on Tyrion and eliminate that “stain” on the family.
Who’s in Power
King Joffr…NOPE
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“You’re a hateful woman. Why have the gods made me love a hateful woman?” — Jamie Lannister
Character Deaths
Ser Dontos—Crossbolt to the face
Future Omens
“Frey will burn in the seventh Hell for what he did.” *camera pans to Arya*
Davos writes a letter to the Iron Bank of Braavos.
Season 4—Episode 4: Oathkeeper
Kill the Masters.
Shades of the Mad King in Daenerys’ first few days in Mereen. Ser Barristan noticed it too. But she crucified the masters all the same.
“You can’t know, grandmother.” “But I do know. You don’t think I’d let you marry that beast, do you?” Grandma’s got you, girl.
I have to admit, I don’t think I appreciated this scene as much the first few times I saw it. Jamie is leterally sending Brienne on a quest, and giving her legendary gear before she leaves. Valyrian steel sword, a custom-made suit of armor, and Pod!
“Oathkeeper.”
Who Won the Week
Littlefinger. Not only did he organize and plan the murder of the king, but he also spirited away with Sansa to the Vale. And in killing the king, also managed to forge a partnership with the Tyrells.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“It is the duty of the Lord Commander to fill those pages and there’s still room left in mine.” — Jamie
Character Deaths
None.
Future Omens
So a White Walker takes the baby from Craster’s and places him on an altar, and a second White Walker approaches and…CONVERTS THE BABY. What’s more, it appears as if this particular White Walker is…dun dun dunnnnn…The Night King.
Season 4—Episode 5: First of His Name
Long may he reign.
Tommen is ruling in the capital. Daenerys has decided to rule in Essos. And in the Vale, Lysa is…horny? She’s definitely something. Crazy being at the top of the list.
North of the Wall at Craster’s Keep, the mutineers are still being the literal worst, so Task Force Crow is sent in to root them out. They succeed, but Bran escapes with Hodor, Jojen, and Meera, because he understands the need to make it to the weirwood.
Who Won the Week
Dany. It’s a tough choice to give up your immediate desire to take back the Seven Kingdoms, and instead, stay and rule in Essos.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“Your friend is dead, and Meryn Trant’s not, because Trant had armor and a big f***ing sword.” — The Hound
Character Deaths
Karl Tanner—Sword through the mouth
Rast—Eaten by Ghost
Locke—Broken by Hodor
Future Omens
Jojen sees his hand on fire. That probably means something, right?
Season 4—Episode 6: The Laws of Gods and Men
This episode we get our first trip to Braavos, and the Iron Bank. Hello, Tycho Nestoris.
I’m not gonna lie, the Seal Team Six Ironborn raid seemed a little wanting to me. A massive rallying cry from Yara to her father a few episodes ago, another speech to her crew…and then a 30 second fight where almost all of them die. “They say every Ironborn man is worth a dozen from the mainland” and yet Ramsay kills, like, THREE on his own.
And in King’s Landing, it’s time for Tyrion’s trial. Doesn’t really seem like there are a lot of people speaking in his favor, and Cersei has gone out of her way to ensure only damning testimony is heard. Jamie notes the trial is a farce, but as I mentioned previously, the other members of his family are simply looking for any excuse to be rid of Tyrion. Probably can’t get any worse for hi…oh snap, there’s Shae.
I demand a trial by combat.
Who Won the Week
Tywin. Not a lot of winners this week, so I’m giving it to Tywin on the grounds that in allowing this trial to conclude, he will not only be rid of Tyrion, but in a bargaining scheme, manages to get Jamie to offer to leave the Kingsguard and return to Casterly Rock as the Lannister heir.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“I did not do it. I did not kill Joffrey, but I wish that I had! Watching your vicious bastard die give me more relief than a thousand lying whores! I wish I was the monster you think I am! I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you! I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it!” — Tyrion
Character Deaths
No one.
Future Omens
The Iron Bank is secretly one of the most important players in the game. You rarely see or hear of them, but they’re funding the entire crown and the war behind the scenes.
Season 4—Episode 7: Mockingbird
Of all the recasts, Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson might be one of the best. “Who does Cersei plan on naming as her champion?” OH.
Another week, another lesson on death and dying for Arya. She’s learning how to kill, but she’s also learning about the nature of death. Its permanence. How sometimes it’s a blessing. How revenge makes her feel. She’s almost ready for the House of Black and White.
Awwww…HOT PIE.
It turns out, if you coddle a child and let him breastfeed up until the age of 12, he turns out to be a whiny little butt. Sansa slaps him, as she should, and then gets…hit on by Littlefinger? Gross. “In a better world, you might have been our daughter.” DOUBLE GROSS. And of course Lysa finds out. “Oh my sweet wife. My sweet, silly wife. I have only loved one woman, only one my entire life…your sister.” PUSH.
Who Won the Week
Littlefinger. Yes, it was SUPER GROSS. But in killing Lysa AFTER marryign her, he has managed to secure the Vale all on his own. Technically it is Robin’s to rule, but we all know who pulls the strings. This sneaky little worm has made his way from the Fingers, to King’s Landing, to now practically Warden of the East.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“If you want justice, you’ve come to the wrong place.” — Tyrion
Character Deaths
Biter—Snapped neck
Rorge—Crossed off the list
Lysa Arryn—The crazy lady made to fly
Future Omens
Ser Aliser orders Ghost removed from the yard. Seems like he’d have come in handy…later.
“When we set sail, your daughter must be with us.” Damn you, Selyse.
Season 4—Episode 8: The Mountain and the Viper
For every step Arya makes as a killer, Sansa makes similar growth as a political player. Littlefinger’s quote to Sansa several seasons ago, “They’re all liars here…and every one better than you.“ isn’t as true now as it was then. She’s learning to lie, manipulate, and see several steps ahead in the game. And that all black look is fire.
Looks like Jorah has been exiled from the friend zone. Your old dirt ALWAYS catches up with you. This won’t be the last time.
Ladies and gentleman, aaaaaarrrre yooouuuuuu reaaadddy?
In this corner, Oberyn Martell, The Red Viper of Dorne!! And in the other corner, Gregor Clegane, The Mountain That Rides!! LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!
The Mountain is clearly over matched from the start. He’s larger, and stronger, but that makes him slower. Oberyn parries every strike and is much quicker on his feet. With a few quick moves, the Viper has him on his knees and stabs him in the chest. It’s over. Now all we need is the confess…HOLY SQUISH.
The gods have made their will known.
Who Won the Week
Sansa Stark. Her first win. She’s making POWER MOVES in the Vale, and is finally learning how to play the game. She shocked Littlefinger with the story she told the other lords, and now she knows his weakness.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“That’s your stupid pride talking. It’s why you’ll never be a great killer. I’d’ve killed Joffrey with a chicken bone if I had to.” — Arya
Character Deaths
Oberyn Martell—SQUISH
Future Omens
In Mereen, Grey Worm seems quite infatuated with Missandei.
Season 4—Episode 9: The Watchers on the Wall
This is only the second episode in the entire series to be spent in one location. We’re all at the Wall. Buckle in.
Wildlings, giants, mammoths, ice scythes, and a whole lotta death. The main wildling force is attacking from the north, and Ygritte and her ranging party are coming from the south. They outnumber the Night’s Watch by 1000 to 1, but their lack of training and solid plan means they’re just going to have to wear the brothers down in a war of attrition. For now, Castle Black stands.
On a technical note, this episode was amazing. At one point, mid-battle, the camera is on the interior, following the battle around the castle as it takes place. It hits every major character mid-fight and gives us an overwhelming sense of the action. But I think, more crucially, it gives that sense of action and grandeur with a smaller budget.
Who Won the Week
Jon Snow. Ser Alliser was right about people questioning you when you’re in charge, but we’ll get to that more later. For now, Jon is understanding what it takes to be a leader; making the hard choices, and not asking anything more of his men than he is willing to do himself.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Mance Rayder
Best Quote
“Brothers! A hundred generations have defended this castle. She has never fallen before and she will not fall tonight. Those are Thenns on our walls, they eat the flesh of the men they kill! Do you want to fill the belly of a Thenn tonight? Tonight we fight! And when the sun rises, I promise you, Castle Black will stand! The Night’s Watch will stand! With me now, now with me!”— Alliser Thorne
Character Deaths
Pyp—Ygritte’s arrow
Grenn—Killed in the tunnels
Ygritte—Ollie’s arrow
Mag the Mighty—Killed in the tunnels
Future Omens
“I need him more than I need you.” Jon was talking to Sam about needing Ghost, so WHY doesn’t he keep this mentality moving forward?!
Season 4—Episode 10: The Children
In the aftermath of the battle, Jon travels north to treat with Mance, or rather, to kill him. but just before he gets the chance…IS THAT STANNIS’S MUSIC I HEAR?!!
“This man is not even a Maester.” No, he isn’t. He’s a mad scientist and Cersei has given him Grand Maester Pycelle’s laboratory, and free reign to experiment on The Mountain’s body. This should end well.
In Mereen, Drogon has been a bad boy and killed a child. Dany is learning that she cannot have full control over these wild creatures and has to lock them in the pits.
And much, MUCH farther north, we’ve finally made it to the tree. Just an easy trip up this hill and…OF COURSE. The party is attacked by wights. Jojen is killed, but everyone else is saved by Leaf, our first glimpse at one of the Children of the Forest. She takes them within the tree and we get to meet Brynden Rivers, the Three-Eyed Raven. Look for me beneath the tree.
And finally, in King’s Landing, just when we thought Tyrion is as good as cooked, Jamie comes in at the last minute to spring him from his cell. But does Tyrion, make a hasty escape? Of course not. He makes a bit of a pitstop off at his father’s room, where he finds Shae waiting. NOthing to do now but kill them both.
“Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold.”
Who Won the Week
Tyrion. Escaped from prison, killed the woman who betrayed him, murdered his wretched father, and fled across the Narrow Sea to a new adventure.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Stannis Baratheon
Balon Greyjoy
Best Quote
“Safety?! Where the f**k’s that? Her aunt in the Eyrie is dead, her mother’s dead, her father’s dead, her brother’s dead, Winterfell is a pile of rubble. There is no safety, you dumb b***h. You don’t know that by now, you’re the wrong one to watch over her.” — The Hound
Character Deaths
Jojen—Stabbed by a wight
Shae—Strangled by Tyrion
Tywin—Shot by Tyrion
The Hound—??
Future Omens
Melisandre looks at Jon through the flames. Echoes of her power and indications of their future.