Season 6
Jon’s dead, Dany’s lost, Sansa has run away, Arya’s blind, and half the Lannisters and all of the Baratheons are dead. Everywhere you look, the worst people are in charge.
Season 6—Episode 1: The Red Woman
Up north, Aliser Thorne is giving a speech about why it was cool to murder the Lord Commander. Something something something, it’s because he let the wildlings through. But here’s a question, that bell has already been rung. You can’t claim you did it to protect your brothers from a decision he *already* made. That’s treason, son.
It looks like Sansa and Theon managed to escape…for about 5 minutes. Then Ramsay’s men catch up to them and round them up to take them back to…IS THAT BRIENNE OF TARTH’S MUSIC I HEAR?!! Brienne rides in and wipes the floor with about four Bolton men, while Theon and Pod scrape by with one apiece. “Lady Sansa, I offer my services once again. I will shield your back, and keep your counsel, and give my life for yours if need be. I swear it by the old gods and the new.”
Are we still in Dorne? Elia is meeting with Prince Doran, and…just kidding. She and the Sand Snakes kill everyone and just tie off that plot point with a sloppy-ass bow.
In Braavos, a blind girl is listening. Learning to be a better fighter. Leveling up.
Who Won the Week
Sansa. For the first time in the entire series, things are starting to look up for Sansa. She’s escaped the capital, escaped Littlefinger, and escaped the Boltons. Now she has at least three new loyal friends.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Balon Greyjoy
Best Quote
“Weak men will never rule Dorne again.” — Ellaria Sand
Character Deaths
Areo Hotah—This is some bullshit. Read the books, kids
Prince Doran Martell—Stabbed by Ellaria Sand
Prince Trystane Martell—Stabbed by Obara Sand
Future Omens
“I saw him in the flames, fighting at Winterfell.” Maybe Mellisandre isn’t as terrible at reading signs as she might seem. She is, however, apparently a sad, wrinkly bag of sand.
Season 6—Episode 2: Home
Bran has finally reached Dagobah! I mean, under the weirwood tree. The three-eyed raven takes him back in time to see his father, sparring in the yard with his uncle, Benjen, and his aunt, Lyanna. Honestly, give me more of these flashbacks. Hell, just give me a series of Lyanna in her younger days. And…Hodor.
Looks like that door is coming down in Castle Black, and Davos and hi friends are going to get drug out by their…is that a knock at the door? IS THAT WUN WUN’S MUSIC I HEAR?! The caste gate gets smashed and the wildlings rush in to save the deserters, and protect Jon’s corpse.
I don’t know if I believe the Tyrion/Targaryen theories, but the dragons have to know something. THEY HAVE TO. Even if they don’t see him as a threat, they surely see him as snack. And yet, they barely growl.
I smell a Kingsmoot!!
Who Won the Week
JON. FRICKIN’. SNOW. He’s back, baby!! Is he a zombie? Is he possessed by R’hllor? Will he murder indiscriminately? WHO CARES.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Best Quote
“I don’t mock the Drowned God. I AM the Drowned God.” — Euron Greyjoy
Character Deaths
Roose Bolton—Ramsay’s not happy
Walda Bolton—I mean, he’s REALLY not happy
Balon Greyjoy—Tossed off a bridge by his brother, Euron
Future Omens
“I saw you as a boy. You could talk! What happened?” DAMMIT, BRAN.
Cersei staring out over King’s Landing with the Sept of Baelor in the distance. This should end well.
Season 6—Episode 3: Home
Good news! Jon’s back! I think Melisandre is gonna piss herself. Bad news for Thorne and Olly though.
Another flashback…and this time it’s THE TOWER OF JOY!!! I mean, this brought me *literal* joy to see. A young Ned, riding to save his sister from Rhaegar’s sworn protectors. What’s that? One of those sworn protectors is actually Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning? This should end well. “What’s in the tower?”
And now we know who Varys’ “little birds” are, and what happened to them. Qyburn is apparently in control of them now. Seems like an awful lot of power for that man to have.
Arya can see!
Who Won the Week
Jon. And Arya. Yeah, I’m cheating. It’s my blog. Shut up. Jon was resurrected and was able to exact justice on those who killed him. Arya got her sight back after blindly defending herself against the waif, and gained Jaqen’s trust to level up again.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Best Quote
“My watch is ended.” — Jon Snow
Character Deaths
Arthur Dayne,
Gerold Hightower—Killed defending the Tower of Joy
Bowen Marsh,
Othell Yarwyck,
Alliser Thorne,
Olly—Hanged for treason
Shaggydog—More bullshit
Future Omens
Bran yells, “Father!!” and it seems as if Ned heard him. But “the past is already written.” IS IT THOUGH?
Season 6—Episode 4: Book of the Stranger
It took six seasons, but we have our first major reunion!! Sansa and Jon!! I’M NOT CRYING, SHUT UP.
On the awkward reunion front, it’s Brienne! It’s awkward enough for Davos to have the Shireen conversation with Melisandre, but here comes Brienne who just executed Stannis, and who has a particular distaste for the Red Woman, and Melisandre notices.
Lots of politics in Mereen…not sure they knew where to go with this story line. More screen time for Tyrion, but still.
Daario and Jorah, on the roooooaaaad!! They’ve found Daenerys in Vaes Dothrak with the Dosh Khaleen, so they sneak into the city to free her. Turns out, as always, Dany doesn’t need anyone to free her. She locks the door, and burns the khals alive…walking out, unburned as she does.
I don’t ship anyone but Tormund and Brienne forever.
Who Won the Week
Dany. I mean, she essentially united all of the khalasars of the Great Grass Sea by killing all of their khals. “You are small men. None of you are fit to lead the Dothraki. But I am. So I will.”
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Best Quote
“If I don’t look after you, Father’s ghost will come back and murder me.” — Jon Snow
Character Deaths
Osha—Stabbed by Ramsay
ALL THE KHALS—Burned by the Unburnt
Future Omens
Littlefinger noting that the Lords of the Vale should enter the fight.
Season 6—Episode 5: The Door
Guys. I don’t think I’m ready.
Let’s go north first. Littlefinger has traveleed to Winterfell to meet with Sansa…and he was NOT expecting her to bring Brienne along. Brienne is ready to REND HIM ASUNDER at Sansa’s wish. “Did you know about Ramsay? If you didn’t know you’re an idiot if you did know you’re my enemy.” Sansa is so much better at the game now.
In Braavos, Arya’s still getting her ass kicked by the waif. Afterwards, she gets a download on the first season of the show, from a traveling theatre group.
And finally, north of the Wall, Bran is getting a huge info dump. Turns out, the Children of the Forest created the White Walkers to defend themselves from the Andal invasion. But that’s not enough for Bran. He takes control of the weirwood solo, and meets the Night King…who promptly touches him and breaks the cave’s protection. The army of the dead enters the cave…only Bran and Meera survive.
Who Won the Week
No one. Hodor died. We all lost.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Euron Greyjoy
Best Quote
“Hold the door….holdthedoor…hold-da-dor…hol-dor…hodor…hodor…” — Hodor
Character Deaths
Euron Greyjoy—What is dead may never die…aaand he’s back
Summer—Killed by wights
Three-Eyed Raven—Killed by the Night King
Leaf—Blew herself up to save everyone
Hodor—Killed while holding the door
Future Omens
Interesting to think about how if the Children of the Forest created the White Walkers, how might they be involved in destroying them?
Season 6—Episode 6: Blood of My Blood
Bran and Meera barely escaped last week, and are still on the run from the wights. Bran is still…not right, as it seems he’s still downloading the history of Westeros. Turns out, Bran is the new Three-Eyed Raven. And their savior? Coldhands…Benjen Stark.
I haven’t been keeping a running list of people I need to see die in season eight, but I’m sure Randall Tarly is at the top. HE’S SUCH A DICK. He’s toxic masculinity personified and Sam doesn’t deserve that treatment.
“A holy alliance between the Crown and the Faith.” That should end well.
Who Won the Week
The High Sparrow. He convinced Margaery to convert Tommen to the Faith, and in doing so, solidified the church and the crown under one banner. Jamie and Olenna are not pleased.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Euron Greyjoy
Best Quote
“Every Khal who ever lived chose three bloodriders to fight beside him and guard his way, But I am not a Khal. I will not choose three blood riders. I choose you all. I will ask more of you than any Khal has ever asked of his Khalsar. Will you ride the wooden horses across the black salt sea? Will you kill my enemies in their iron suits and tear down their stone houses? Will you give me the Seven Kingdoms, the gift Khal Drogo promised me, before the Mother of Mountains? Are you with me, now and always?” — Daenerys
Character Deaths
None
Future Omens
HUGE number of omens in Bran’s brain dump. Here are a few:
- Drogon’s shadow over King’s Landing
- Wildfyre in the crypts
Season 6—Episode 7: The Broken Man
Frickin’ Ian McShane.
It seems as if the rumors of the Hound’s untimely demise were greatly exaggerated. He’s living peacefully on a commune run by Brother Ray. It’s a redemption arc for Sando…just kidding. The Brotherhood show up while he’s away, murder the entire camp, and hang Brother Ray.
Jon’s trying to rally the troops…with very little success. He manages to convince the wildlings to fight for him, though not the Glovers. And on Bear Island, we’re first introduced to the young Lyanna Mormont, and she is a mood. “If they’re half as ferocious as their lady, the Boltons are doomed.”
Who Won the Week
The Waif. Last episode she was proven correct in that Arya was still Arya, and granted permission to exact a name for the Many-Faced god. This week she catches her, and stabs her.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Euron Greyjoy
Best Quote
“I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met.” — Lady Olenna
Character Deaths
Brother Ray—We barely knew ye
Future Omens
“You’re surrounded by enemies. Thousands of them. What are you going to do, kill them all yourself?” Welllll…
Season 6—Episode 8: No One
Hey remember how the Hound gave up violence to be a pacifist? Why don’t you ask throse four outlaws how that’s working out.
Speaking of violence, that’s what Cersei chooses when the High Sparrow sends his acolytes to collect her. How do you look at someone like the Zombie Mountain and think, “I got this”? He literally de-spined someone in front of you like the Predator. Maybe sit this one out, fam. “Please tell his High Holiness he’s always welcome to visit.”
MORE REUNIONS. Bronn and Pod. Brienne and Jamie. Jamie wants Riverrun, and Brienne wants to avoid violence. Hahaha, these two crazy kids. Technically they both get their way, as Edmure surrenders Riverrun and Brienne escapes the castle. Though we never SEE the Blackfish die…
And in Mereen, things aren’t looking good for our heroes. The masters have sailed back into Slaver’s Bay, looking for their property. Of course, Dany shows up at the last minute. “Seriously?! Guys, I was gone for, like, a week.”
Who Won the Week
Arya. On the road to recovery, she’s rehabbing with Lady Crane. The Waif shows up to kill them both, but Arya has other plans. She lures the Waif into a building…and snuffs out the candle. “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I’m going home.”
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Euron Greyjoy
Best Quote
“I choose violence.” — Cersei
Character Deaths
Brynden Tully—Died offscreen
Lem Lemoncloak—Hanged by the Hound
The Waif—Aced out by No One
Future Omens
Qyburn informing Cersei that the rumor is “much more” should be a red flag. Seems like there are a lot of omens leading up to the explosive end to the season.
Season 6—Episode 9: The Battle of the Bastards
Here we go, kids. Another insane episode, as the ninth ones tend to be.
Firstly, in Mereen, Dany has returned to the Pyramid and rightfully wonders what the hell is going on. Things were fine when she left…maybe she should just kill everyone and burm their cities to the ground. We’ve seen this before…*cough* Aerys *cough*…but Tyrion wanrs against it. Instead, they burn ONE ship, and leave one of the Masters alive to tell the tale. See? Compromise.
And outside Winterfell…The Battle of the Bastards!! In this corner, weighing in as a total dickcheese, Ramsay Bolton!! And in the other corner, weighing in as someone who should listen to his sister more often, Jon Snow!! FIGHT.
The battle goes as you’d expect it to go based on the show’s history and all the tropes of modern TV and movies. The good guys come out strong, get their asses handed to them, and someone swoops in at the last minute to save the day. That said, it was gorgeously filmed and incredibly entertaining. And incredibly satisfying to see Ramsay get what he deserved, not limited to just having his face caved in by Jon’s punches? Did that not break his jaw? HOW CAN HE TALK?
Who Won the Week
Sansa. Sansa has gotten the shit end of nearly every one of her storylines, so it’s LONG OVERDUE that it should be paid off. She literally saves the day with her arrangement to marshal the Knights of the Vale, and she gets to see her torturer eaten by his own dogs. Still not enough, but one can hope for more.
Who’s in Power
King Tommen of Houses Baratheon and Lannister
Euron Greyjoy
Best Quote
“You’re going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well.” — Sansa
Character Deaths
Rickon Stark—Arrow’d
Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun—Arrow’d
Ramsay Bolto—Heh. Dog food.
Future Omens
Not really an omen so much as a new alliance going forward: Theon and Yara joining up with Team Daenerys.
Season 6—Episode 10: The Winds of Winter
This intro.
Firstly, the music is fantastic. Light of the Seven is hands down the best song in the entire series. Secondly, the entire scene—the first 20+ minutes of the episode—plays out just like the ending of The Godfather. Pycelle getting his due, Lancel being a second too late…but in The Godfather, Michael didn’t vaporize an entire city like Cersei does with King’s Landing. One candle and the entirety of the Sept of Baelor is reduced to ash. She proceeds to leave the torture of Septa Unella to the Zombie Mountain. Cersei has exacted her revenge.
And then Tommen walks out a window.
On the other side of the continent, Sam and Gilly arrive at the Citadel. This is Sam’s Mecca. This is where he should be. Look at all the books!!
Shocking no one, Littlefinger is still a shit, sowing discord between Sansa and Jon.
Who Won the Week
Cersei. Sure, she lost her son, but she exacted her revernge on EVERYONE who did her wrong. They’re all dead and she’s the only one left, making her the one in charge.
Who’s in Power
Queen Cersei Lannister
Euron Greyjoy
Best Quote
“Your son was butchered at the Red Wedding, Lord Manderly. And you refused the call. You swore allegiance to House Stark, Lord Glover, but in their hour of greatest need, you refused the call. And you, Lord Cerwyn – your father was skinned alive by Ramsay Bolton… still, you refused the call. But House Mormont remembers. The North remembers! We know no king but the King in the North whose name is Stark. I don’t care if he’s a bastard. Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He’s my king from this day until his last day.” — Lyanna Mormont
Character Deaths
Grand Maester Pycelle—Caesar’d by the little birds
Lancel Lannister,
The High Sparrow,
Loras Tyrell,
Margaery Tyrell,
Mace Tyrell,
Kevan Lannister—Blown up in the Great Sept
Tommen Baratheon—Walked out a window
Walder Frey—Another name off the list
Future Omens
Benjen’s speech about the magic and runes woven into the Wall as a way to protect the realms of men from what lie beyond.
There’s screaming coming from the Tower of Joy. It’s Lyanna Stark and she’s pregnant.
PROMISE ME, NED